The Disease to Please….

Hi everyone, hope you are all enjoying your weekend – today I have a personal blog post that I have wanted to share with you all for a while now! The title is as it says, it’s about trying to please others in some form or another but I wanted to peel back the layers to this because it’s an important topic that many people are conflicted with throughout their lives.

If I have never shared it with you all before, let me reveal a token bit of my personality- I am a rebel, BUT unlike the saying goes…“I am a rebel WITH a cause!”. I say this because if I want to do something or if I believe in something (even if people are against me)- I still go after what I want. I think my “soul” is actually wired this way for life because I have never given up on something (in my adult life) even when all odds were against me. However, the one thing every human being (some more than others) go through as a “rite of passage” in life is encountering the “disease to please”.

When I turned 30 years of age this year, something clicked in my brain – it’s as though the booster rocket shuttles were ejected which comprised of this need of wanting to please people. I have been asked on many occasions by younger ones, what is it like to be the big 3.0? And my response every time is that this is the BEST time of my life! Perhaps this is something completely singular to my own life experience but it allowed me a moment to pause, look over my shoulder and reflect on all my good and bad life decisions. It’s at this point, the rebel in me matured and what I perceived as a ‘rebel’ was in actuality my own inner voice trying to guide me to live my life as I saw fit.

The “nice” little girl I use to be has grown up, I see the world differently now (and thankfully so). While I am a huge believer in kindness, karma and love – and I use to give of these qualities to the point that it would drain me – I now direct it upon those who reciprocate these emotions in return. You see, when you ‘grow’ up you have to be mindful of certain things, for example: the world can be a dangerous place, physically AND emotionally! People will step all over you to climb to the top, they will gossip, spread rumours etc…so you have to grow some THICK skin if you want to survive emotionally.

The best part of letting go of needing to please other people is the freedom that comes with it! You don’t always have to do ‘the right thing’ every minute of every day. You learn to take care of your self first and your emotional intelligence grows exponentially. What once felt like a noisy mental debacle has been transformed into a serene, tranquil place and you have freed yourself from living the life other people had planned for you.

The fundamental message in all of this is, when you look back 50-60 years down the road, you will have another moment when you pause and look over your shoulder –  you will have a million questions in your mind – built along side it with a million different scenarios of the various ways in which your life story could have played out. As the saying goes, I rather regret the things I did than the things I didn’t do. BUT there is one thing I know for sure, when I am old & grey I want to be able to say to myself, as the great Frank Sinatra sang – “I did it my way!”.

Love,

Zenorah

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2 thoughts on “The Disease to Please….

  1. Great message!
    I think about this all the time, Im 21 with a 31 year old mind. I have been through so much and what your describing is happening to me right now. Growing up is not just physical, its emotional as well, learning how to be kind and respectful of all things and knowing when you should stand up for yourself. The world is dangerous especially now a days. When your small your always trying to please others, parents, teachers, and friends. But at a certain age and this depends all on the soul. But you begin to realize the bigger picture, you look back over your shoulder and you either are satisfied with the way you end up or you have that opportunity to change your life and do things the way you are happy with.

    Xoxo

  2. You know it really came to me at 27 when I had my first baby. Before that I was very quiet and gullible. Then I became a mom and a lion at the same time. My first daughter gave me an overwhelming instinct to not only protect but to honour and survive and that meant taking care of myself as well. It gave me a backbone I didn’t realize I had. So after that I became more independent with my own thoughts and actions and realized I don’t live to please, I live because this is my life. I can only wish the same for everyone else. So my advice is don’t live to please unless you’re met halfway.

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